Quakeweek
June 30, 1997


Archives

'Batman and Robin: The Game' to Use Quake Engine

Quake 'Clone' Created in Wyoming

Ego Software Announces Quake 2 Competitor

Hell Freezes Over

An Open Letter From Microsoft to OpenGL Supporters

American McGee Talks About Quake 2

Spacetec Donates 'Real' SpaceOrb 360 to NASA

Quake64 Nears Completion

MPlayer Software Suspected in Plane Crash

Disney Begins Production on Quake! The Animated Movie
Catholic Church Finds Quake 'Demonic,' Condemns id Software


Pope John Paul IIVATICAN CITY - Pope John Paul II today personally condemned Texas game developer id Software after discovering demonic references secretly hidden in DOOM and Quake. According to His Holiness's official statement, id committed a "morally reprehensible and completely unforgivable act by hiding Satanic images in otherwise perfectly wholesome videogames for the entire family."

Quake LogoAs proof, the pontiff pointed out two images from the games, namely the glazed red eyes of DOOM's enemy soldiers and the scrolling clouds in Quake's open areas.

"Red eyes have long been documented by the Church as being a sure sign of demonic possession," said the Pope. "This clearly indicates that the poor, innocent soldiers in DOOM and Quake are in need of the purifying blessing of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Yet id Software did not include this feature, choosing instead to damn their souls by murdering them. Though this was an acceptable form of purging in the Dark Ages, it most certainly is not today!"

The Pope went on, saying "What is even more disturbing is the animated image of dark and ominous clouds in Quake. If you squint and tilt your head approximately 32.6 degrees to the left, you can make out a vague image of a demon's head. Demons to not live in the sky! The heavens belong to God alone!"

id SoftwareThough His Holiness admitted he could not find any other demonic images in DOOM or Quake, he did not rule out the possibility that id could have cunningly hidden other forms of evil in both games. And while he commended the game developers for including so many lovely crucifixes in the levels, he could not excuse them for their immoral act.

"For their misconduct," concluded the Pope's statement, "I am forced to excommunicate the employees of id Software from the Catholic Church. While this punishment is normally reserved for heretics who challenge our institution, and many Bishops have opposed my ruling, I will not withdraw the order. After all, I am infallible."

id Software replied to this by saying, "We've been excommunicated? Cool!"