Carmack Saved from Microsoft 'BackOffice'![]() Official police reports state that the famed programming genius had last been seen outside of a Dallas-area drag strip, where he was competing in the 'over-$500K' category. Witnesses reported seeing a black limousine swerving through the parking lot, driven by a "geeky-looking dude with a bad haircut." The FBI traced the vehicle to the Microsoft compound, thanks to an anonymous tip to follow a trail of empty milk cartons and Chinese-food containers. ![]() "I also believe they were trying to get me to switch to Internet Explorer 4.0," added Carmack. "The worst part of it all was when they forced me to try and find something on their website." ![]() The rescue saw at least three SWAT Team members seriously injured by a deadly rain of Windows 95 Plus Packs and Game Sampler CD's which were thrown from the hideout. The Assistants were finally forced to surrender when police brought in Steve Jobs, who activated his patented Reality Distortion FieldTM and convinced them to surrender. John Carmack was then released unharmed. Bill Gates was last seen fleeing for Mexico and could not be reached for comment. |
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