Quakeweek
April 30, 1997


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Microsoft Releases Own Quake Competitor

AOLWorld Beta Released
Camper Tournamer Drags On


THE INTERNET - For over two months now, the First Annual Campers' Competition has been at a stalemate, with eight of the world's cheapest Quakers holding their positions at select weapon- and powerup-respawning areas.

Currently, the scores are:

PLAYER: 0
PLAYER: 0
AOL_RULEZ: 0
PLAYER: 0
T1_BASTARD: 0
BILL_GATES: 0
PLAYER: 0
MR_CLEAN: -1

Unsurprisingly, none of the campers have scored a frag, as none of them have even left their sniping spots. MR_CLEAN however, succumbed to sleep a few nights ago and drowned in his underwater camping grounds, hence the negative score.

A few contestants contributed some comments:

"I haven't seen daylight since early March," remarked one of the PLAYERs.

"I've skipped going to the john for a week," admitted T1_BASTARD. "My room's starting to smell pretty bad."

"My doctor says I'm now chemically dependent on NoDoz," said BILL_GATES.

At the rate things are going, observers predict that the tournament will eventually have to be renamed the Second Annual Campers' Competition. Despite this, others remain optimistic:

"SOOnER oR LaTEr ThESe DEwDs R GoNnA CrACk," said AOL_RULEZ. "THeN iLL fRoG EM!!!!!! IlL GaB Em gOOd!!!!!!!!"

On the bright side, no one seems to be complaining about server lag. . . .