Quakeweek
May 22, 1997


Archives

Carmack Scraps DLLs, Not 'BASIC' Enough

Carmack's Ferrari Made 'Internet-Ready'

id Renews Business Contract

NY's Dept. Of Transportation Eagerly Awaiting Quake Rally

Raven and Columbia Tristar Sponsor 'Serpent Rides'

Industrial Spy Pleads Guilty

International Red Cross to Begin Operations in Quake

Kasparov Demands Quess for Round 3

id Hires Garth Brooks for Quake 2 Soundtrack

Texas Separatist Holds Carmack Hostage
Nike 'Foxes' AirFist


Just Sue ItLAWYERLAND (Dr. 0) - Following Fox's actions against homebrew Quake TC programmers, Nike has put out a press release asking for the complete removal of the "AirFist" patch for Quake from all hard drives and other storage devices everywhere.

Tiger Woods, spokesperson for Nike, said, "The use of the word 'Air' in the title 'AirFist' violates Nike trademarks. We believe the authors were irresponsible in not contacting us before releasing the patch. Further computer game patches incorporating the word 'Air' must be licensed with Nike." When asked why AOL's famous "Air Warrior" game had been allowed to operate, Woods admitted, "Well. . . we didn't want to talk to Steve Case. AOL just sucks."

AirFistWhile AirFist's creators were unavailable for comment, passersby outside of Nike headquarters were happy to volunteer opinions (last names have been removed to protect privacy):

"I understand why all these companies get so mad when people break copyright law and abuse their trademarks," muttered John C. a computer programmer from Dallas, TX. "I just wish they didn't have to take it out on the Quake community. Maybe they could find an excuse to sue MPlayer instead."

Stephen H., maintainer of a popular Quake page, questioned Nike's motives. "I think they're just trying to get in on the action," he said. "They don't want Fox to get rid of all the good patches out there before they can ban any."

Bob, a janitor who wouldn't volunteer his last name, snarled angrily, "I'll go paint their shoes brown. Greaseballs."

Nike's legal department, claiming "The sweatshop thing doesn't make us enough money," is contemplating further trademark-violation action against every human on Earth. If successful, people would be required to stop breathing.