'Quake Treatment' Used in Obedience Training CAVE CANUM, MD (Ted) - Serving as yet another potent example of the multitude of benefits that id Software's Quake has to offer the real world, Nao Stai, joint owner of Sitton-Stai Canine Obedience School, announced a dramatic and revolutionary change in the way they will train their customer's dogs. "Our new obedience system is going to change the dog-training industry in the same way that Quake changed the multiplayer-games industry," said Nao Stai during a public press conference. ![]() ![]() "That's how easy it is!" he exclaimed. Stai went on to expound the benefits of this new method. "First off, the cost of obedience school drops from hundreds of dollars to the price of two shotgun shells, with training time reduced to virtually nothing. Second, dogs trained in this method cost less to feed and respond immediately to many verbal commands including 'roll over,' 'play dead,' and 'stay.' Lastly, your neighbors will never complain about Rover's midnight barking ever again. Guaranteed." Unfortunately, Sitton-Stai's new training method is not without its drawbacks. Several dog owners have complained about a noticeable decline in their pets' playfulness, and although they no longer fight all the way to the vet, getting them into the car is more difficult, given to an occurrence of extreme stiffness. In addition, some owners do not enjoy having to constantly bathe their dogs in embalming fluids in order to avoid 'a dreadfully bad odor.' Still, Stai believes these are minor drawbacks to a new breakthrough in animal control. "It will soon be an accepted technique for training almost any animal," Stai predicted. "I myself have given all my pets the 'Quake Treatment,' and have been very pleased. My pets have perfect behavior, cost nothing to keep, and never get sick. "Most of all, their new aroma keeps door-to-door AOL representatives from trying to get me to sign up. Not even a pack of lions could have done that." |
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